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Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Obsession

From Guest Blogger Elizabeth Sine

Obsession. Yes this week I have been obsessed! I have been trying to keep myself busy with work, school and a new relationship; but when there is a moment of quiet in my head, it turns itself to this obsession.

I have a friend that calls it the “itty bitty shitty committee"; another relates it to a dog chasing its tail. I’ve also heard it referred to as having one foot nailed to the ground and spinning around, going nowhere. When I get into an “obsession,” I feel like a hamster in a cage, running faster and faster, yet never getting anywhere. It’s such a waste of time, and the amount of time I spend obsessing never changes the outcome, ever! And yet until I determine that I’m really powerless over the situation, after I’ve turned over every rock for solutions, and until I’m ready to surrender to the “whatever,” I will continue the “obsession.”

After sleepless nights, talks with friends, and a sense of humor that reminds me to do the right thing, I begin to let go. Letting go of an obsession is a slow process for me, and sometimes doesn’t begin until I start to see signs around me that let me know, I am not in control and that things really will work out.

My obsession this past week began with being locked out of my house. You see, I still own half of a house, it is for sale after a lengthy divorce. The ex decided that he was going to change the locks, with most of my belongings in it and then go on a skiing vacation to Seattle, telling my lawyer that I could get my things anytime I wanted, with his permission. So you can understand my obsession: “How dare he!” My anger and frustration grew as I continually thought of ways to get into MY house. I remembered a window that had broken lock and I visualized myself squeezing through it and getting in. I also forgot that I’m now a size 16 and not an 8, so my vision quickly changed to one of me being stuck at the waist with my cell phone in my pocket and my hands on the other side of the window! Thank God I thought that one out first.

My fiancĂ©e, the most wonderful man in the world, offered to buy the house, but I already own half of it. I then thought about using my blondness and calling a locksmith claiming to have lost my key. But I was afraid he’d just break the lock and I still wouldn’t have MY key. Maybe having the key means ownership, maybe that’s why I am patiently waiting for the attorneys to solve the problem and then I will get MY key to MY half of the house.

Today the obsession finally left. It occurred while I was walking down the aisle at Home Depot looking for paint. I realized that the first aisle I walked down was the aisle with keys and locks! This for some reason struck me to be humorous, as there were hundreds of keys and locks, and not a single one to open MY half of MY house.
--By Elizabeth Sine, Peer Counseling Teacher, Broward County Schools, former Home Economics teacher and mother of three grown (really grown and out of the house and county) children.

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